Junior Bro captures second straight Surfy

MIAMI (Feb. 4, 2007) — In a first, the Gehlke Bros. have been invited into the vicinity of a live Stupor Bore event for the presentation of the annual Surfy Trophy. The weather has been anything but cooperative, but it hasn’t dampened the spirits of the Bros. as they commence with the final festivities of another season.

Senior Bro: Hey, these are pretty good seats they got for us. (Pulls out umbrella to ward off approaching rainfall.)

Junior Bro: (Clutching the golden statuette and grinning.) Yeah, sure was nice of the NawFuL to set aside some space for my big moment. Looks like we’re finally getting some respect after all these years of dissing the league.

SB: Yeah, maybe five or ten years from now we’ll be up in the suites with the media guys...

JB: ...instead of down here in the parking lot. But at least we’ve got a TV set.

SB: ...with reception, no less. Hey, can you lean a little to the left? The lightning is interfering with the picture. There, that’s better.

JB: So are we gonna do the trophy presentation now, or what?

SB: Er, yeah. OK, Sean, you’ve managed to repeat as Gehlke Bros. Football champion for 2006, how do you feel?

JB: Pretty darn good. This winning thing really grows on you after awhile... Hey, did you see the Bears just run back the opening kickoff for a touchdown?

SB: (Leaning a bit to the right.) Bears? No, I was distracted by the rain on my glasses. (Takes out a cloth.) That’s better.

JB: (Minutes go by, rain picking up.) Looks like the Colts are coming back. Manning just threw a great pass. Ooops! Looks like they coughed it up.

SB: Just means Manning’s gonna choke in the big game, just like always. Hey, Grossman just fumbled it away on the next play. Whaddya know!

JB: And now the Colts are in the end zone. Man! How could Vinny miss that extra point?

SB: It’s OK, the way the rain’s falling the Colts should get another chance in about... (huge cheer erupts from stadium as Bears fumble ball away again) now.

Narrator: Later... Halftime, and the field is drenched. The fans are drenched. The cameras are drenched. The Bros. are washed up.

SB and JB: HEY!

Narrator: OK, they’re merely drenched. Meanwhile, Prince is onstage doing his impersonation of Jimi Hendrix.

SB: What a first half. I think that’s one of the best seven hours of football broadcast I’ve ever seen.

JB: Yeah, and the game wasn’t bad either.

SB: I especially liked the part where Noah’s Ark came sailing through the goal posts.

JB: Probably just Al Davis hoping to scoop up some new coaching prospects for the Raiders. Only way he can find them.

SB: Speaking of finding them, isn’t Prince supposed to be performing.

JB: I hear someone singing “Purple Rain,” but there’s so much water I can’t see through it.

SB: That’s not water, it’s snow.

JB: SNOW? It’s not that cold here.

SB: No, the TV’s on the fritz again. Can you take this antenna and climb up that palm tree over there?

JB: With my Surfy Trophy? I’ll be electrecuted with all this lightning up there.

SB: It’s all right, I’ll keep the trophy safe.

JB: Not on your life, Bro. Last time I let you borrow the Surfy I didn’t get it back for two years. That was like an eternity.

SB: (Grins slyly.) Well it was worth a try. (Crowd erupts again.) I think they’re starting the second half now.

JB: (Shimmying up the tree with the antenna and trophy in hand, muttering prayer to weather gods.) Wow, you get a great view of the game up here. Look, I can just make out the XLI logo on the lip of the stadium. (More cheers.)

SB: There are a lot of people in blue and orange clothing leaving the stadium and the game still has a quarter to play.

JB: Not a good sign for the Bears.

SB: No, but I’ll bet that means there are some seats available inside. We could ditch this lame TV.

JB: (More cheering.) Too late, looks like the game is over.

SB: Wow, that was quick. The second half took only five hours. I’ll bet there are still some Coke commercials CBS hasn’t shown.

JB: Speaking of Coke, that sounds like a good idea. I’m going to go find one and get out of this deluge. By the way, who won the game?

SB: Beats me.

JB: I always do.

To be continued in September 2007...

2006 weekly results

  1. Week 1 — Big Ben breaks through.
  2. Week 2 — Bros. use OT to get even.
  3. Week 3 — Saints come storming back.
  4. Week 4 — A boot to the head gets you five.
  5. Week 5 — Hangin' with our homies.
  6. Week 6 — Weiners become winners.
  7. Week 7 — All streaks must end.
  8. Week 8 — Who let the dogs win?
  9. Week 9 — 31 and you're done.
  10. Week 10 — There really are two Bros.
  11. Week 11 — Back to square one.
  12. Week 12 — A turkey week feast.
  13. Week 13 — We're running out of rope here!
  14. Week 14 — Tiebreaker goes to — the Junior Bro.
  15. Week 15 — Sean shakes off Saturday.
  16. Week 16 — Jingle bells, picks week from hell...
  17. Week 17 — Pop the cork, bring out the fork

Season update — Sean wins by 4

Week 17. Time to pop the cork on a new year and stick a fork in another football season. For Sean, it was time to pop the cork on another Gehlke Bros. Football championship. For Glenn and Ben, it was time to stick a fork in any hopes they might have entertained of snatching the title away in the final weekend.

The Junior Bro entered the week with a 5-game lead — the largest of the season — over second place, and seven games up on Ben in third. When Bros Junior and Senior managed just three splits, it meant that Sean mathematically clinched the Surfy Trophy before the weekend's action even started. Ben tried to make things interesting by creating seven splits with Sean, but he needed to win all of them if he was to tie for a shot at the title, and he managed just three.

So, it will be another round of "We Are The Champions" for the Junior Bro come February. But Glenn saved a little face in taking two of the final three split games when Houston beat Cleveland 14-6, and San Francisco doused Denver's playoff hopes in OT, 26-23. Sean got the last laugh, however, when the Packers upset the playoff-bound Bears 26-7 in the final regular season game of the year.

Glenn won the week with a 10-6 mark, Sean went 9-7, and Ben finished third at 8-8. We all popped the cork on our mutual correct predictions of Baltimore, Kansas City, Indianapolis, the N.Y. Jets and Pittsburgh. The NawFuL gods stuck a fork in us when we missed out on winners Detroit and Seattle.

Now for the year-end statistical goodies...

The 2006 season wasn't very kind to us amateur professional prognosticators. Neither of the Bros improved in the accuracy department, with Sean going 158-98 (61.7 percent) vs. 167-89 (65.2%) for 2005. Glenn finished at 154-102 (60.2%) this year vs. 157-99 (61.3%) in 2005. Only Ben managed to improve, going 150-106 (58.6%) vs. last year's mark of 145-111 (56.6%). There were 54 splits this year (down from 56 last season), of which Sean won 29. That was 21.1% of all games, or nearly one split for every five.

If you go strictly by who tallied the best weekly predictions over the course of the season, Sean may have won the trophy but he only won two weeks and tied for the best record six times. Glenn fared just slightly better at 3 wins, 5 ties. Ben won 5 weeks and tied in 4 others, but the weeks he lost did major damage to his position in the standings. Sean's best week was 14-2 in Week 2; his worst a 6-8 in Week 3. Glenn posted his best week at 12-2 in Week 5; his worst, 6-8, twice (Weeks 8 and 9). Ben racked up a 13-3 mark in Week 1, only to post a season worst 6-10 the following week.

Of the 54 splits, there was at least one split every week. Our most agreeable week was a lone split in Week 7, The biggest split week in the history of Gehlke Bros. Football was Week 16, when we had nine games on the line. We split an even number of games in 11 weeks, an odd number in six.

That wraps up a NawFuL 2006. Join us Stupor Bore weekend for the Surfy Trophy presentation and we'll see you again in September.